paterelohim | IC contact: Sirenspull

Nothing. [So soft it's almost a whisper. But Lucifer is smiling, and he needs to lean on the counter to keep himself on his feet.

This is it. He's finally going to hear Michael say 'yes'. It's finally going to be over--just the two of them, stacking their lives together.]

Do you have any wine? [Something to celebrate with. He needs that right now. God knows he needs it.]

No.

Lucifer, you're acting really weird. What happened?

What do you mean 'no'? You work at a bar and you're a writer.

[He finally turns to look at Chuck, head tilted curiously.]

When do you ever think I'm acting anything but 'weird', anyway?

I drink vodka. You're not acting like yourself.

Is that a bad thing? [The faintest traces of cynicism, finally.]

It's kind of alarming. [Not rising to your self-deprecating bait.]

That's because you don't know me as well as you think you do. How did you expect me to react to a week like this?

A week like what? Groundhog Day in hell-Canada? I wouldn't expect you to care that much unless it threatened to mess with the Core ever getting fixed.

No, a week like-- yes, like hell. Do you know how many repeat days I had down there?

[which is a good excuse for how rattled the Devil is, but it's not the real reason. He looks at Chuck hopelessly for a moment, then reaches out to touch him.]

You won't understand if I just tell you.

[About Michael. About how very, very close Lucifer is to truly losing what sanity, what hope he has left.]

[For once in his life, Chuck doesn't move away from the touch. He doesn't blink, or look away.]

Can you try?

[He shakes his head, because human language is limited and every time he's tried to express anything about Michael it gets thrown back in his face. He can't handle that right now. He can't.

So he touches Chuck's forehead because he has no other way to express what's happened. Every fight. Every desperate attempt to salvage their relationship, every failure.

All of it drowned with terror and horror and silent pleading that Lucifer himself can't stop. He is almost leaning on Chuck when the images stop, which is good because his words would be inaudible otherwise.]

I can't do this anymore.

Edited 2012-02-03 20:49 (UTC)

[Even next to the prayer, there's nothing like seeing and feeling it for himself to drown him in the horrible, intense reality of it all. Chuck wants to reel from the images and stumble back, but Lucifer's leaning on him when he does- so he stops mid-stumble and grabs onto Lucifer, hands gripping the angel's arms hard as he stares, stunned.]

Lucifer- oh my god, Lucifer, just sit down, okay? Come on, sit down.

[He stars steering Lucifer towards the kitchen table whether he likes it or not.]

[He obeys, for once in his long life. And when they sit he keeps hold of Chuck, using him as a sort of anchor.]

I asked God to help--

[And that's when the tremor in his grip becomes something more noticeable. That's when Lucifer's voice cracks, and he has to blink back tears.]

[Chuck adjusts his grip to really hold tight to Lucifer's shoulder, trying to be sturdy and there.]

Oh my god. [Soft, hushed. Respectful of the enormity of that tiny sentence.] Lucifer, I'm so sorry that He didn't- I'm sorry.

Michael won't say no now. He can't.

[Lucifer doesn't care right now that he's letting Chuck hold onto him. Nor does he care that if he was holding onto Chuck any tighter he'd be bear hugging him.]

This is it, you know that, this is the first thing I got out of Hell for. If he doesn't want me after this...I don't have anything left to give him.

What makes you think he'll say yes now? I mean- did God actually... answer you?

...Yes and no. [He's still holding the feather like a talisman.

He looks at Chuck, and for a few scant seconds he isn't so jaded, so ruined. He's Lucifer--a confused, terrified archangel, but also the Morningstar.]

I heard Him.

[It hurts His heart to see. So much pain, and there's no going back from it.]

What did he say?

[Lucifer shakes his head. Not that God didn't say anything, but it's too heavy for him to put into words. He just can't admit yet that God doesn't loathe him; the implications already overwhelm him.]

What am I supposed to do if this doesn't end?

[It's a rhetorical question, but he looks at Chuck helplessly, and the second one is painfully honest.] What am I supposed to do without Michael?

Come on, man, just slow down. [He bites his lip and thinks, choking on the urge, still new, to make everything alright.] How do you know you're gonna lose him? Look at you and Gabriel- I mean each of you, as people. If you guys can change that much... so can he. Just look at how much you've changed in eight months.

He hasn't changed at all.

[Admitting it tastes like defeat, and sticks in his throat, but it's the truth.]

Those words--the Enochian--do you know what he was saying to me?

['Monster'. It wasn't the first time Michael had said it here, just the first time Lucifer couldn't help reacting to it.]

[Chuck opens his mouth to say something, but only a choked sigh and a nod come out.]

Yeah. Yeah.

[He sits back and drags a hand over his face, taking a deep breath.]

I know he's changed. That- what you asked him, it's a big deal and it... fuck, it's a set back. That's horrible.

He's miserable in Heaven. He doesn't want to lead them, and if he doesn't come with me he'll never be able to leave.

[Lucifer says it mostly to justify why he wants Michael to disobey--but they both know that only scratches the surface of things.]

You tell me how he's changed, because right now I can't see it. I've tried.

Yeah, I know- I know. Lucifer, trust me, I know.

It's... it's the changes that are happening slowly. When you ask him something like that, it backs him into a corner and makes him deal with stuff like that before he's really ready to. He's not done changing yet, but it's still new enough that he's not ready to choose between the doubts he's just starting to have and the habits he's always felt safe with.

[Lucifer hangs silently on every word and reluctantly nods.]

But I've changed, too.

[It's a preamble of sorts but he pauses, looking at Chuck, waiting for the derision, the disbelief.]

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