IC contact: Sirenspull

[paterelohim]

Uh, hi! This is Ca- I mean Chuck Shurley, just- Chuck, sorry. [Indistinct fumbling noises] Leave a message after the beep and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. Thanks?

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prayer; backdated to 3/9 because i'm slow ;;

[universaljanitor]

[This isn't really a voice you'd ever expected to hear reaching out to you, now was it, Chuck?]

So... God. Dear God, maybe? Not sure how people usually start off with prayers... Let's try this again, hm?

Dear God,

I don't normally do this praying thing. I've never had the mind to, really. Never quite believed in anything other than the guardians of time every young Gallifreyan grows up hearing stories about. Worked for one, once. Found the Key of Time, helped save the universe. Representations of good and evil. The black knight and the white knight.

But I've heard you're here. In the Port. I've met your children, the angels. I've met them, spoken with them. I've heard the bitterness they hold for you, the hatred they have for your choices, as their father. But I've also heard that you're here, somewhere. Hidden away, watching from the shadows, hearing all their thoughts and the thoughts of countless other people, all crying out and whining for their problems to be solved.

I've always solved my own problems. I've held myself together, picked up the pieces. I've healed the universe and reality itself time and time again, and I have never asked for anything in return. I don't want thanks, I don't want recognition. I do what needs to be done. I save my friends, my enemies, the entirety of creation time and time again. I die doing it. I'm always fated to die doing it. Saving people that don't want to be saved. Saving people that go on to hate me, to work against me. I even work to save those that want to kill me. And I've never once stopped and asked "What about me? The Doctor. What do I get?" I don't care. I never have.

And then I came here. I came here and I met brilliant people. I've met my future self, I've faced the eventuality of my death. I've been reunited with people I will never see again. Not even in the future, past my own death. And I have worked... so hard to do what is right. I have spent the last few weeks doing nothing but work. All in secret, trying to figure out the Core, to set things right again. As they should be. To figure out what is keeping us here so people can be sent home. So that all of reality isn't about to just fall apart. To unravel into nothing.

But I... I don't want it to end. And I'm torn. I'm a Time Lord. I control time, I manipulate space. The laws of the universe are mine to uphold or mine to toss aside, but this... this feels wrong. I can't help but know that this is wrong. We should all go home. Time should be restored. This place... it shouldn't exist. Its very nature threatens everything in any reality. But I don't want it to end. I want to stay.

I guess this is the point of religion. The real, honest point of it. Saying something to someone you think exists, to try and get your own mind to wrap itself around an impossible situation, to accept it, and to begin working around it. To give all the credit to an invisible force, because you just don't know why you suddenly understand. You can't attribute the getting stronger to yourself because if there's one thing troubled people lack, its self-esteem.

Well. Too bad I'm far too logical for that.

.... Amen is what's typically said here, right? Well, then. Amen. And as for your children, and whatever it is that's keeping you from being with them? ... No matter what they do, or who they are, be with them. Even if they don't know it, be their father. If they die and you've done nothing to help them? That's not something you'll ever recover from.

Believe me, I know.